So I really want to blog about beauty stuff today, I have loads of lip products and eye liners that I’ve trialled, ready to give my 2pence. But my brain is only focused on one topic. And that is weight. I have an umpteen of random thoughts sprinting in my mind that I figured if I sit down, write out whatever is in my brain will then be out of my system. Then I can focus on the real shiz. Beauty.
DISCLAIMER: if you’re looking for a ‘how to lose weight post’ this is really not it, I would probably stop reading right now.
It all really started off when I did my graduation post – I still own what I wore on those days and wanted to try ‘em on. Bad idea. Back then they were slightly baggy at a size 6 and now I could barely get it past the knees. It dawned on me how much weight I’ve put on through-out the years. How though? I didn’t think I looked any bigger, I certainly wasn’t eating that much more.
My lifestyle when I was younger, revolved around Oxford street, Covent Garden and Carnaby Street. I walked a lot. My lunch breaks used to be me sprinting into all possible Zara’s in the west-end trying to find that one dress in my size. These days I drive everywhere and even though I am constantly on my feet, I don’t walk as much as I used to. Majority of the time I get my other half to do the chasing and calling in stores for me. Yes. He is quite the catch.
At 18 I was obsessed with my weight, every other lunch break I used to weigh myself at the Boots machine and panic if I’d put on a pound or two. Madness. I used to own a measuring tape just so that I could measure my waist, with a weighing scale under my bed which came in use when I woke up in the middle of the night panicking if I’ve magically put on a whole stone or two. When someone said ‘you look really skinny’ I took that as a compliment as opposed to an offensive remark. I used to exercise from my bedroom – I did it quite excessively. It didn’t help working in the beauty industry where everyone is super self-obsessed. We used to have girls throw up in the toilet. People used to have botox done on their lunch-break. To be honest, it was all very normal to me, because I started working around that field very early on, it seemed like the done thing.
9 years down the line, like I said, my lifestyle has completely changed. I work ridiculous long hours. Spend most of weekends/evenings in bed marking, planning lessons/resources. I drive everywhere. I can’t actually remember the last time I went for a nice brisk walk. Weight is an issue that I think most people struggle with at some point in their life, they either weigh more then what they want, or less. None the less, it upsets a lot of us and makes us feel pretty shoddy some of the times.
I still have those days where I look at dresses I brought in my hay days, they still have their tags on but no longer fit me. I’ve had to buy jeans that are two sizes up and I’m not going to lie, I have had a handful of pretty tough days where I don’t feel like talking to anyone because I feel super fugly. Nobody can change that – apart from me.
A few questions I ask myself, am I happy? Could it be worse? Answers to both those questions are yes. I am a lot happier then I have ever been! Who do I want to look good for? – Myself! I don’t care what the neighbours, random relatives or people that I don’t particularly like, think. I have love handles, which I sometimes wish I could remove. But my body image that doesn’t define who I am. Admittedly I need a healthier lifestyle. With that being said, I don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke, in bed by 10pm most days. I say that’s pretty rock n’ roll lifestyle. If I want to eat ice-cream in the middle of the night, I will! And I certainly won’t feel guilty about it.
My opinion of my body has changed. I have become so much more confident, even though I am 3 sizes bigger. I don’t care if I am a 26w or a 36w. As long as I am happy. Maybe it’s to do with growing up? Or partly because I don’t have time? Or maybe I’ve just realised that life is too darn short to worry about this. I just wish I never spent a good half of my early 20’s feeling guilty if I ate a Mc D’z and was happier/content in my own skin. It definitely would have helped me become a more confident person.
What was the point of this post? I don’t particularly know. I guess I thought if I am feeling this way, I am sure someone else is too – you could probably understand where I am coming from? If you are in your early 20’s – and you feel slightly of what I felt at your age, then I urge you to stop. There are bigger and better things in life for you to worry about. Weight/body shape size is definitely not one of the top 5, not even top 100. If you ooze confidence, everyone will see it too.
Maintain a healthy lifestyle *need to take my own advice here*
Walk as much as you possibly can.
Give time to yourself to indulge in whatever makes you happy.
Everything in moderation – except happiness, that should be done in full capacity!
I will stop here now – always nice to get a little and personal don’t you think?