Wow. Has it really been that long? January 2017 was my last post, almost two years ago.
I felt like I lost passion for blogging as a whole, I still posted on instagram – but 2018 that slowed down for me too. I feel like my blog name isn’t a reflection of who I am anymore. I’m no longer the same ‘beauty’ obsessed person, I mean truth be told most days I wear little-no make-up. Work consumed me for the last two years, for which I am forever grateful because if it wasn’t for work, I probably wouldn’t of been able to get out of bed most mornings. I got promoted twice in the two years and now I’m a senior member of staff – this itself is surreal to me.
Professional life I seem to have excelled beyond my expectations, however personal life, I have no idea what I’m doing. I try not to think about it most days because it’s easy to let it consume me.
2017 my sisters wedding video on YouTube went viral – it now has 5.2million views, and I have 21.5k followers, what the actual? However my following is not what I thought it would be…it’s now middle aged asian men, which again has put me off of uploading anything.
Latter of 2017 I saw depression creep in, and 2018 it hit me in full force. I tried my hardest to fight it, I started exercising, because it seems to be what everyone recommends – the exercise routine lasted about two months. On days off all I wanted to do was sleep.
2018 summer I forced myself to book a holiday for 3 weeks to Croatia, Italy and Greece. I needed time to reflect and spend time away from a laptop. However the holiday gave me severe anxiety – where leaving the hotel room was too much of an effort on most days. I started off with the intention to vlog but my confidence got in the way.
Also, can we take a moment to talk about the insane amount of insecurity surrounding body confidence? When does this stop? I’m 31 and I am constantly criticising myself, staring and squeezing my jiggly wobbly bits, wishing the inches away. I hate it and I’d like this to stop in 2019.
November 2018 I lost my only grandparent and that tore me apart – I still haven’t really come to terms with it. Someone wise told me grief comes in waves, and I’m learning to ride them.
December 2018 I gained a beautiful nephew.
Finally got round to getting 1ml of lip-fillers and 2 units botox – this is smallest amount may I add and makes little difference to me, I love it. February 2019 I will be going back for sure.
2018 was also the year I splurged. A lot. I brought all the handbags and shoes with little to no shits given.
I have been craving to write more, read more, maybe try and run (although the running bit has been on my to-do list since 2017)
I want my writing to represent me, the 31 year old me who no longer falls for the instagram hype. Someone who is unapologetically successful in an industry which can be male dominated.
I just didn’t think I was brave enough to write how I actually feel. Is there even a market for this? Also it somehow doesn’t feel right on this domain name, however seeing as my consistency has been extremely poor, I’m going to give it a go in 2019 here and if it feels like I’ll migrate over to a name which feels more suited to me.
I grew emotionally stronger in 2018, but this took everything in me to break a thousand pieces a hundred times over for that to happen.
Here’s to 2019…come at me.